Needs vs. Wants

[marenpaisley]

So, there are issues that I'm trying to deal with, and those basically come in the form of needs vs wants and how to accomplish the needs. Because, really, once those needs are met, I can better do those things that I want (I realize that one of my biggest challenges is instilling a little self-discipline into my life, but that's just a part of it).

Need #1: A good job in a field that I enjoy.

I've decided that being a classroom teacher really isn't what I want to do. Yeah, it took me two years to figure that out, mainly because by coming to that conclusion, I was afraid of where it would leave me... it'd leave me hanging... around. With nothing. And that's exactly where I am, now that it's all said and done.

I want to be a secondary school librarian. There's a different dynamic involved in one's dealing with students - you're no longer the one who is measuring them against standards and rubrics, but you're there to help them. End of story. You help students as they need it with the projects that they're working on. You can give pointers and tips and watch the students do with them what they will without the pressure of later having to give them grades. From my admittedly short experience, it's fantastic.

The lovely thing about it is that I'm now certified by my state to hold the position of librarian in a school district. However, it's never quite that easy, now is it?

Problem #1: Who knew that a degree in biology could be so useless?

I went to an interview last week for a school district that was over an hour's drive away. For the record, they contacted *me* via the phone if I'd like to interview with them. I said 'sure'. How great is that? Their human resources department must have found my resume on the online database and thought they'd give it a go because I'm certified in library science. Sweet.

So the next day (which was the day before the interview), I run reconnaissance; I'd never been to the town it was located in, and I wanted to be sure where it was before hand so that I wasn't lost and panicking before a job interview. I MapQuested the address, filled up my car, drove to the school, and came home, putting 77 miles on my tank of gas in one morning. A little expensive for my tastes, but hey, they called *me*, right?

The following day I drive back to the school, getting stuck in morning stop-and-go, bumper-to-bumper traffic along the way (luckily I left an extra 30 minutes early), arrive at the school early, sit in my car for 15 minutes, just enjoying the quiet, and then head on in, still a mite early.

Ten minutes later, I'm on my way back out the door, to my car, and back on the road for my long ride home. Why? The lady who was the head of their library department was incredulous that I'd even bother to apply for the position without ever having taken a course in library science (though I hadn't applied, as the job wasn't posted...hmm).

"Do you even know how to catalog?" she asked me, as though I was some illiterate buffoon. Yes, of course I do, I just finished explaining to you that I'd run a library for three months last school year, but apparently that means very little. Her tone of voice was incredibly insulting. I took it that, in other words, you're out of your league, kid.

"But your human resources department called *me*! You should have told them that you required an MLS and twenty years experience working with literacy models or whatever the heck you were grilling me about!" I didn't say those things, of course, but I came really close to sarcastically apologizing for wasting their time. Not once did she ask me where I was from, either. Wasting their time, indeed!

Need #2: A Master's degree (apparently or obviously, depending on one's point of view)

I'd love to go back to school to get my master's (never thought I'd say that!)... but there's that money thing. It's more than just that school is expensive... I hate being in debt. The very thought of it twists my stomach so that there's real pain... ah, there it goes now. Ouch. Breathe.

I still am $9,000 in debt for my bachelor's degree, which I earned nearly three years ago now (Ouch, again!). With my current wages as a substitute teacher, I earn just about $15,000.00 a year (with no benefits) before taxes. Even subsidized loans (I very much doubt I'd qualify for any sort of academic scholarship, but hey, you never know) would just ... psychologically ... do me in. Debt, to me, just robs a person of their independence. I'm one of those people who pay their credit card bill in full after every use.

It seems that I'm doomed to be living with my parents until I'm thirty. That's just... intolerable.

So, what to do?

Need #3: Medical benefits

I've been riding a wave of luck for a year now, with the only bump in the road my bronchitis back in May. Fortunately, that only cost me $50, but now I'm emotionally indebted to the doctor who saved me the money for antibiotics by giving me free samples. I never want to have to survive on a hand out like that again... I have my pride, as it were. But at the rate I'm at now, I can't afford decent coverage, and the coverage that's not so great is, well, not so great. And a waste of money if I never use it, either. I suppose that's what people who drive without car insurance think, "hey, I've never been in an accident, so if I'm never in one, I won't get caught!" Well, it's karma, isn't it? And if there's one thing in life that I believe in, it's karma.

...

Well, that's a lot of complaining, and I haven't even touched upon what I want (my own place with room for a garden or at least potted plants on a balcony, a chance to travel (and visit my comrade seraphtrevs who I haven't seen in umpteen million years), a chance to save my money for the future, and companionship from someone other than my cat). But none of that matters until I get the needs sorted out and met. And at my age (because 25 1/2 is so old, har har), I feel like the window of opportunity is closing. Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like? Better to have done with it now, then!

Comments

[seraphtrevs.livejournal.com]

*sighs* Remember when we were kids, and all the teachers and councilors and our parents said all we had to do was get a college degree, and then we'd be set? Yeah. >_< Brian's never been to college, and not only does he have way more job skills than I do, but he really likes his job as well. Not that I regret getting my degree AT ALL, but I'm thinking the whole "you'll never get anywhere without a college degree!" thing was kind of...not true.

I think you'd do really well as a secondary school librarian for all the reasons you said. And your certified! That's a step in a right direction at least, right?

And at my age (because 25 1/2 is so old, har har), I feel like the window of opportunity is closing.

Oh man, you and me both. At least you have a consistent work record. People keep wanting to know about the large gap between my graduation and now, in which I've had two short term jobs, both of which are a few months apart, and neither of which were exactly "career jobs."

So no chance you'll be able to make it out for the wedding? My folks would be more than happy to let you stay with them, and last time Cassie came out, she got a round trip ticket for around $200. (Yeah, I know, I'll stop poking you, but I'd love to have you there. : D)

[marenpaisley.livejournal.com]

Ooooh ooooh! I want to come to the wedding! I just need dates and such so I can work it out somehow. :^D

[seraphtrevs.livejournal.com]

XD

You being there is about the best wedding present EVER! XD It's November 4, 11:30 am in San Diego (well, Poway, technically, but it's pretty much San Diego).

We'll be honeymooning in La Jolla, which is a local beach (well, by "honeymooning," I mean "spending the weekend in" - we're too poor for a full-blown honeymoon : P). Cassie's already going to be spending the weekend there, so the four of us can party! (Hey, if you're going to spend the money for a ticket to California, you might as well spend a weekend at a California beach! : P) Maybe you and Cassie could split the bill on a hotel room..? If not, like I said, my parents will totally be cool with letting you stay with them (and I know so because I already asked them, and they said yes.)

PS - I got your card, and forgot to mention it in my last comment. *facepalm* D'aww, love birds! ♥ Actually, Brian got it first 'cause I was down in San Diego with my mom planning wedding stuff. It made him really happy. XD